Something to Contemplate

Allow me to nerd out for a moment...

You know Joe Rogan? The guy who hosted Fear Factor and now commentates UFC fights (holy career change Batman). He was also Joe, on News radio, which is one of the 10 funniest television shows in history, maybe even top 5. But none of that is the point.

Rogan is also a surprisingly hilarious stand-up commedian and he tells this joke about how only a few people really know how all of the technology we use actually works. Cell phones, microphones, all kinds of shit. We really don't know how most of it works. I won't go in to the joke, but trust me, it's funny as hell.

What reminded me of the joke is that my computer is currently in the process of pulling a new opperating system for my iPhone out of the sky. Thats right, somehow, the wireless router hooked up to my modem is pulling a combination of ones and zeros out of the air wich will eventually make it through a USB cord to my iPhone as OS 3.0

Think about that for a second...

Back in the Game

Don't know why I haven't blogged in so fucking long! But I'm back so lets talk about some shit.

First, me... Fell down the steps, fucked my back up and finally went to get it checked out. I must have been in some sort of denial because it is way worse than I thought. Some of the things my Chiropractor explained to me while looking at the x-rays were down right scary. Basically, it's a mess back there. But, evidently it can all be fixed; slowly. So I've been on the couch for about 2 and a half weeks now.

Things I've Learned While Not Doing Anything...

1. Being married is awesome. Everything I do or don't do makes me realize this even more.
2. Television fucking sucks. Even the good stuff on the nerd channels (History, Discovery and the like) gets repeated so many times you know learn the words like a fucking song.
3. I can sleep a lot more than I thought, cats can sleep a lot more than any living thing should.
4. Eating is a perfectly good recreational activity, hunger has nothing to do with it.
5. There isn't enough weed on earth to satisfy me.
6. Some form of Law & Order is always on. Seriously, always.
7. The Internet is the greatest invention in human history. As a society, we should be doing much more to make sure that everyone has legitimate access. I think it has the power to mitigate a lot of inequalities.
8. I don't need to think anymore, I have an iPhone.
9. Advertisers are constantly coming up with new ways to offend everyone. Seriously, black people singing to chicken; women needing birth control or special yogurt to keep from being hysterical bitches.
10. There aren't nearly enough day time baseball games.
11. Erectile dysfunction must be a fucking epidemic. Or, I guess, a not fucking epidemic.

That's all for now. So much has gone on in the world since my last blog. I wouldn't know where to start discussing it all. So I'm going to try to stay current with this from now on. I missed blogging. Never thought I would enjoy it this much.

peace.

Well Now...

Fuckin Married Son. As all (3) of you know, on May 2nd, My 30 years of life culmitated in one, extrodinary, Perfect Day. I never knew happiness like this existed for anyone, and I would have never considered it existing for me. But, alas, Lauren's love has shown me so many wonderful new things, I guess I should stop being surprised now. 

And now, a little music...

Listen to MF Doom. I know you've heard me say it before but you didn't do it, did you? I'll try illustrating his genius in a slightly different way. Here are some words and names that Doom has worked in to his rhymes. He uses them on beat, with meaning and its usually hilarious...

~Orthotrycyclen 

~The Hadron Collider

~Electroencephalograph

~Mt. Kilimanjaro

~Dennis Kucinich

~Flux Capcitor (you gotta love this one)

~Deepak Chopra

~Lecithin (had to look this one up)

~Slobodan Melosevic

~Paraffin (had to look this up too)

Thats just a small sample, the man is amazing. 

And now, My President...

Right after we watched him explain to the nation, and the world that he is going to make rich people pay taxes like everyone else, I had to turn to Fox News. It was one of the funniest television moments I have ever witnessed. First, the Fox News Barbie stammers, "we are going to have to get an expert to explain this" and then, the "expert" starts screaming (I mean it, screaming) about how Obama can't do this because if rich people have to pay taxes, they won't maintain this beautiful world that us underlings are lucky enough to live in. But the best part, was when he exposed Obama's secret plan to use this estimated over one hundred billion in extra tax revenue to fund health care reforms. gasp! Yes you fucking idiot, he's going to make rich people abide by the fucking law and he's going to make sure poor and middle class people have the ability to live healthy lives. Ah... Fox, watching Paniced Republicans is like watching Rock of Love, it's disgusting and fake, and the players are all degenerates of some sort; but it's hard to turn your head. 

All that being said, I will be very upset and dissapointed if he allows war crimes to go unpunished.

When Bad Things Happen to Good Fans

This is some fucked up ass shit! No other way to put it. Please, walk with me...

As anyone reading this knows (both of you), I'm a huge sports fan. My NFL team is the Bills. Now, I don't know how this happened; I think when you grow up in a state with no teams (we need a constitutional amendment to address this occurrence) you end up loving teams for all sorts of crazy reason. Regardless, the Bills are my squad.

On March 7th 2009, the Bills signed one Terrell Owens, that's him up there with that dumb ass disingenuous grin that seems stuck on his fuckin face. You all know this jack ass. He's the one that has been moving from team to team throughout his career because his need to be the center of attention is so great that his presence creates a black hole through which nothing positive can escape. I'm serious.

He throws temper tantrums on the side line when he doesn't get the ball enough. He openly blames his team mates and coaches when his teams lose. His favorite thing to do, the thing that has ended his tenure at every team he's been on, is throwing quarterbacks under the bus. It's always someone elses fault. He even cries in post game interviews! (you must watch at least the first 30 seconds or so of this clip if you haven't seen it, one of the three greatest sports press conference moments; and pay no attention to what he says, it's all bullshit)

The worst thing about him isn't even that he does all of this with that fuckin smile. The worst part is that he does it all on TV. I watch Sportscenter every day, at least three times. So now, every time I see my teams logo, I have to hear about the latest T.O. "Look at me now" drama:

"Owens says he won't show up for voluntary workouts", "Owens says he knows the owner wanted him to stay in Dallas and others were conspiring against him", "Owens is staring in a reality show". I didn't make any of that up. Those have all been headlines since we signed him. T.O. loves reporters, and reporters love his dumb ass.

Here's a picture of him doing sit-ups in his driveway, surrounded by reports:

Do you see what I'm dealing with here people!!!

This is my fucking team. I'm not going to hear about our offensive line play, about the development of our young receivers or the play of what we hope will be our franchise QB. No, for a full season, I get Mr. Sit Ups In My Driveway and his stock market like psyche.

This is a horrible thing to do to a fan. I'm seriously considering taking this year off (we only signed him for a year). I really may just temporarily renounce my fanship and hitch myself to some band wagon for a season. Maybe I'll be a Giants or Jets fan, hell; I live here. Or maybe I pick a team out of a fucking hat, who fucking knows man. It's going to be a long fall.

It's Real

We're Getting Married! So, since we got engaged. I have been having frequent "I can't believe this is really happening" moments. Here's a picture of the latest, and maybe most powerful so far.

Those are our hands (obviously) with ring sizers on for our Wedding Rings.  This will be the only ring I have ever worn and the only one I ever will. I'm overcome with happiness everytime I think about it (about every 8 seconds). I Can't believe this is happening.  

This Is A Test

If this works, I will... Well I don't know what I will do but, I'm writing this on my iPhone. That's right. Not only can this thing find me the nearest clean bathroom, I can post to my blog from it.

The Greatest Month of All, But First....

Last night, Jon Stewart redefined Doing it For The People. I didn't get to fully digest what I had seen immediately because right after the show we turned to the Syracuse v. UConn game (more on that in a minute, wow); but I immediately realized I had just witnessed a historic, great moment in the history of television. He said what we all feel and he said it with force, never backing down, never conceding any thing. I wanted to stand up an cheer, more than once.

But thinking about it now, it's possible Jon Stewart is in the wrong place. He may not have a big enough audience. He needs to be able to do what he did to more important people than Jim Cramer (not that that ass hole didn't deserve every glorious second of it). Lets line up every asshole responsible for the mess we are in and make them sit in front of Jon Stewart for an hour or two. Hell, establish a Jon Stewart Court and let him be judge and jury for all of these mothafuckas. He can speak for all of us on this one, because he said it like no one else could last night.

I won't post it because it's a full episode, but watch it, if you haven't already.

And Now, The Madness...

As I mentioned earlier, after The Daily Show, I turned to ESPN and the Big East Tournament Second Round. Syracuse v. UConn. UConn was up two with under 4 minutes left when we joined the game. Six Overtimes later the Cuse pulled off the huge upset. Beating the 3rd ranked team in the conference, and 3rd in the nation, Huskies. It was a marathon. The numbers are staggering: 4 players on each team fouled out, the teams combined for 102 points in over time alone (211 for the game). Syracuse Guard and by far most valuable player of the night, Jonny Flinn played 67 minutes of a 70 minute game. But the numbers don't tell the story, it was exausting just to watch. By the fourth OT, the players could hardly run up and down the court; much less battle for a rebound. On missed shots, the ball would routinely come off the rim and hit the floor before anyone could get to it. The kids were spent. But they fought, and they dove on the floor, and they got in eachothers faces and no one gave up. It was amazing.

Do yourself a favor. Watch some college basketball this month. NCAA Basketball in March is quite simply, The Greates Event in Sports.