Allow Me To Reindroduce My Self

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

That's how I feel when I think about Henry Louis Gates being arrested in his home. No, those aren't eloquent or insightful words. I don't feel like trying to conjure those up right now. I'm pissed, fuck thoughtful. Me and every other black man in this fucking country have fit the description since the day we turned 12. I'm sick of being afraid of cops, but my black ass better be, they shoot us. And no, they don't shoot white people at the same rate, I'm not looking up the god damn stats; we all know it's not even close. And we all know that being black in America is enough to get you killed. If you doubt it, get your head out of your fucking ass. I'm sick of this shit. And then our president and the rest of the Black Intellectual Elites in this country (not you Cornell West), blame us. It's because we won't pull our fucking pants up, or because our parents let us play video games. Fuck that shit. It's because this whole fucking world is ruled by racist white people. Excuse me, white men. I don't know how or why it got this way, but I know black people didn't build schools and then decide to grossly under fund them and let them rot. I know black people didn't build housing projects right next to those schools (and right next to a substandard version of everything else you need so you don't have to venture too close to the lily white neighborhoods. pay attention) and herd ourselves in. I know black people didn't decide that our language would be substandard and that even uttering one phrase in black dialect discredits any and every thing you say. That's what they call "the system" people. It's real, and if your skin is dark, the system considers you a disease that must be contained and controlled. You don't believe me? Just ask Mr. Gates.

I've been seen as dangerous since the day I hit puberty. People are afraid of me when I walk down the fucking street, or talk to loud in a bar. How can we ever fucking be equal. Fuck this shit. All of it.

Thanks for listening, I mean that.

And Find My Own Way Out

Some music is just good, you feel it. Some songwriters just say it all. It's not about what type of music they make or weather they are "underground", "indie" or "mainstream". It's about melodies and lyrics entering your soul and never leaving.

And with that in mind, I submit: If you don't like The Dave Matthews Band; there is something wrong with you. Last night, my wife and I watched a special on Fuse (the new MTV, and it's just as bad) called The Road to Big Whiskey. It's a documentary about about the band's history leading up to the newest album, and its great. I have never been the type to care much about the people making the music I love. I can't tell you the real names of all of the Wu (my all time favorite by far). Nor can I tell you the details of Chuck D's childhood. But watching and listening to Dave and the band made me love them even more. They are real, normal people; and dedicated, passionate musicians.

Now I know it's not cool to like Dave. I know it's supposed to be some frat boy shit but, imagine if you never knew that. Imagine if, like me, you didn't hear or hear of DMB until you were 20 years old and having the time of your life. If there was no stigma, would you like #41 or Rapunzel or Crush (my personal favorite cuz it makes me think of my wife)? Or do you like them now and are just affraid to admit it? Because while these are very joyus songs (Dave explains in the documentary that they are a joyus band even while singing of sad things), they are also great. And shit, what's wrong with a little Joy every now and then. DMB isn't the corny pop band your friends have been clowning for the past 18 years (yes, that long). They are a band all their own, with no genre and no false pretense. Listen.

And Now, A top ten list....

10 Greatest Cartoons of Our Time

10. Spawn (the HBO series by McFarlane was nuts)
9. All the Charlie Brown Movies
8. Tom and Jerry (sweet nostalgia)
7. Voltron (this one hasn't held up as well over time; same plot every episode but I loved it)
6. Duck Tails (most under rated toon ever)
5. GI Joe (if you count the animated movie this would have to be higher on the list: Cobra LALALALA!)
4. He-Man (ask me to recite the opening, any time)
3. Road Runnner (just too good)
2. Thunder Cats (Sword of Omens, Give Me Site Beyond Site!)

and the winner is....

Just pretend the movies never happened. And remember the glory. There was more character development in those cartoons than in most prime time drama. And if you add in the animated movie, in which Optimus Prime actually dies! Well now you are in to some next level shit.

A nerdy aside: Wouldn't the Decepticons have kicked the Autobots' collective metal asses all over Cybertron? They could fly when in robot form and Megatron's arm cannon could level buildings (I've seen it). I always felt a sense of injustice when the weaker, less advanced, Autobots won.

But Sometimes

The idea or notion of Family has always had a great emotional effect on me. I have so many varied feelings about the subject that I usually gloss over it, or avoid it all together. Often, I even go as far as to attempt to discredit and/or devalue the idea of Family all together, just ask my incredibly patient and understanding wife

But Sometimes...

Sometimes, the five women that raised you come to New York and you meet them at their hotel. And you sit with these five Women, all so excited they (all 45+) can not keep still, and you talk. You talk loud like they adults used to on Sundays. You laugh loud like your dad used to, the laugh that embarased you every time you heard it from the next room. There is an ease about the cacophony. You don't feel good or comfortable, you forget that you have to feel anything. You float, time stops. You are home. It is beautiful.

Something to Contemplate

Allow me to nerd out for a moment...

You know Joe Rogan? The guy who hosted Fear Factor and now commentates UFC fights (holy career change Batman). He was also Joe, on News radio, which is one of the 10 funniest television shows in history, maybe even top 5. But none of that is the point.

Rogan is also a surprisingly hilarious stand-up commedian and he tells this joke about how only a few people really know how all of the technology we use actually works. Cell phones, microphones, all kinds of shit. We really don't know how most of it works. I won't go in to the joke, but trust me, it's funny as hell.

What reminded me of the joke is that my computer is currently in the process of pulling a new opperating system for my iPhone out of the sky. Thats right, somehow, the wireless router hooked up to my modem is pulling a combination of ones and zeros out of the air wich will eventually make it through a USB cord to my iPhone as OS 3.0

Think about that for a second...

Back in the Game

Don't know why I haven't blogged in so fucking long! But I'm back so lets talk about some shit.

First, me... Fell down the steps, fucked my back up and finally went to get it checked out. I must have been in some sort of denial because it is way worse than I thought. Some of the things my Chiropractor explained to me while looking at the x-rays were down right scary. Basically, it's a mess back there. But, evidently it can all be fixed; slowly. So I've been on the couch for about 2 and a half weeks now.

Things I've Learned While Not Doing Anything...

1. Being married is awesome. Everything I do or don't do makes me realize this even more.
2. Television fucking sucks. Even the good stuff on the nerd channels (History, Discovery and the like) gets repeated so many times you know learn the words like a fucking song.
3. I can sleep a lot more than I thought, cats can sleep a lot more than any living thing should.
4. Eating is a perfectly good recreational activity, hunger has nothing to do with it.
5. There isn't enough weed on earth to satisfy me.
6. Some form of Law & Order is always on. Seriously, always.
7. The Internet is the greatest invention in human history. As a society, we should be doing much more to make sure that everyone has legitimate access. I think it has the power to mitigate a lot of inequalities.
8. I don't need to think anymore, I have an iPhone.
9. Advertisers are constantly coming up with new ways to offend everyone. Seriously, black people singing to chicken; women needing birth control or special yogurt to keep from being hysterical bitches.
10. There aren't nearly enough day time baseball games.
11. Erectile dysfunction must be a fucking epidemic. Or, I guess, a not fucking epidemic.

That's all for now. So much has gone on in the world since my last blog. I wouldn't know where to start discussing it all. So I'm going to try to stay current with this from now on. I missed blogging. Never thought I would enjoy it this much.

peace.

Well Now...

Fuckin Married Son. As all (3) of you know, on May 2nd, My 30 years of life culmitated in one, extrodinary, Perfect Day. I never knew happiness like this existed for anyone, and I would have never considered it existing for me. But, alas, Lauren's love has shown me so many wonderful new things, I guess I should stop being surprised now. 

And now, a little music...

Listen to MF Doom. I know you've heard me say it before but you didn't do it, did you? I'll try illustrating his genius in a slightly different way. Here are some words and names that Doom has worked in to his rhymes. He uses them on beat, with meaning and its usually hilarious...

~Orthotrycyclen 

~The Hadron Collider

~Electroencephalograph

~Mt. Kilimanjaro

~Dennis Kucinich

~Flux Capcitor (you gotta love this one)

~Deepak Chopra

~Lecithin (had to look this one up)

~Slobodan Melosevic

~Paraffin (had to look this up too)

Thats just a small sample, the man is amazing. 

And now, My President...

Right after we watched him explain to the nation, and the world that he is going to make rich people pay taxes like everyone else, I had to turn to Fox News. It was one of the funniest television moments I have ever witnessed. First, the Fox News Barbie stammers, "we are going to have to get an expert to explain this" and then, the "expert" starts screaming (I mean it, screaming) about how Obama can't do this because if rich people have to pay taxes, they won't maintain this beautiful world that us underlings are lucky enough to live in. But the best part, was when he exposed Obama's secret plan to use this estimated over one hundred billion in extra tax revenue to fund health care reforms. gasp! Yes you fucking idiot, he's going to make rich people abide by the fucking law and he's going to make sure poor and middle class people have the ability to live healthy lives. Ah... Fox, watching Paniced Republicans is like watching Rock of Love, it's disgusting and fake, and the players are all degenerates of some sort; but it's hard to turn your head. 

All that being said, I will be very upset and dissapointed if he allows war crimes to go unpunished.

When Bad Things Happen to Good Fans

This is some fucked up ass shit! No other way to put it. Please, walk with me...

As anyone reading this knows (both of you), I'm a huge sports fan. My NFL team is the Bills. Now, I don't know how this happened; I think when you grow up in a state with no teams (we need a constitutional amendment to address this occurrence) you end up loving teams for all sorts of crazy reason. Regardless, the Bills are my squad.

On March 7th 2009, the Bills signed one Terrell Owens, that's him up there with that dumb ass disingenuous grin that seems stuck on his fuckin face. You all know this jack ass. He's the one that has been moving from team to team throughout his career because his need to be the center of attention is so great that his presence creates a black hole through which nothing positive can escape. I'm serious.

He throws temper tantrums on the side line when he doesn't get the ball enough. He openly blames his team mates and coaches when his teams lose. His favorite thing to do, the thing that has ended his tenure at every team he's been on, is throwing quarterbacks under the bus. It's always someone elses fault. He even cries in post game interviews! (you must watch at least the first 30 seconds or so of this clip if you haven't seen it, one of the three greatest sports press conference moments; and pay no attention to what he says, it's all bullshit)

The worst thing about him isn't even that he does all of this with that fuckin smile. The worst part is that he does it all on TV. I watch Sportscenter every day, at least three times. So now, every time I see my teams logo, I have to hear about the latest T.O. "Look at me now" drama:

"Owens says he won't show up for voluntary workouts", "Owens says he knows the owner wanted him to stay in Dallas and others were conspiring against him", "Owens is staring in a reality show". I didn't make any of that up. Those have all been headlines since we signed him. T.O. loves reporters, and reporters love his dumb ass.

Here's a picture of him doing sit-ups in his driveway, surrounded by reports:

Do you see what I'm dealing with here people!!!

This is my fucking team. I'm not going to hear about our offensive line play, about the development of our young receivers or the play of what we hope will be our franchise QB. No, for a full season, I get Mr. Sit Ups In My Driveway and his stock market like psyche.

This is a horrible thing to do to a fan. I'm seriously considering taking this year off (we only signed him for a year). I really may just temporarily renounce my fanship and hitch myself to some band wagon for a season. Maybe I'll be a Giants or Jets fan, hell; I live here. Or maybe I pick a team out of a fucking hat, who fucking knows man. It's going to be a long fall.